Funny Love Quotes – Funny Relationships

We want to put a little color of your relationship by sharing some lovely funniest quotes. These short Funny Love Quotes of famous comedians that describe your crazy relationship.

Funny Love Quotes
Short Funny Love Quotes

Friends come and go like waves of the ocean but the true ones stick like an octopus on your face -Anonymous

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You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. – Dr. Seuss

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If the path be beautiful, let us not question where it leads. – Anatole France

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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. –Jackie Mason

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Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris

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 Funny Quotes on Love
Short Funny Love Quotes

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

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Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

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Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz

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Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.

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Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass. – English Proverb

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real funny quotes about love
Real Funny Quotes about Love

I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. – Chico Marx

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My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. –Groucho Marx

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A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt. – Spanish Proverb

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Crazy sayings about romance
Crazy Sayings about Romance

He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. – Ring Lardner

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Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. – Jean Kerr

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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz

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Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

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Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. – Phyllis Schlafly

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Cute Funny Love Quotes
Cute Funny Love Quotes

Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.

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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty. – Woody Allen

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A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

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What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner

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fun with girlfriend
Funny Quotes about Love for him

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason

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According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.

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If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.

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Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.

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My head and my heart will never cease their endless war. When my head says ‘I don’t care, my heart says ‘I do care’. When my head says ‘I’m not thinking about her, my heart says ‘of course you do.’

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love quotes for fun
Love Quotes Funny

It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.

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Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein

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Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. – Thomas Dewar

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Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. – George Burns

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I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. – Elizabeth Evans

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best funny love quotes
Funny Quotes about Love and Sayings

The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.

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All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz

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Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen

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If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. – Miles Davis

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My mind works great wonder 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day until I met you.

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Comedian talks sayings
Funny Quotes about Love for her

I want to be the reason when you look down on your phone, you’ll have this goofy smile in your face and jump up and down like a silly little girl, and then fall down a manhole.

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Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.

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Staying in love for more than 5 years is almost impossible. Staying in love with the same person for you’re the rest of your life is a miracle.

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funny love quotes for Lover's
Funny Love Quotes for Lover’s

Promise yourself not to be a woman who needs a man to live, but a woman a man needs.

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You will always be my 11:11 and the name I write in my naughty list.

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Girls cry their eyes out until they are dry, while boys drink their beers until their mugs are all dried up.

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I wish there’s a traffic light to tell me when to stop, go and slow down when I took this road of falling in love.

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I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night and your most painful goodbye.

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Stop waiting for your prince in a white horse. Go and find him. The poor bastard might be lost, stuck in an island or something.

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To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

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Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms. – J. P. Senn

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My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor. – Elayne Boosler

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When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life. – Richard Lewis

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Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements. – Kathy Mohnke

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Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. – Franklin P. Jones

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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. – Bill Maher

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My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning. – Ray Romano

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Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. – Professor Irwin Corey

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A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

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What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday. – Cindy Garner

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If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. – Katherine Mansfield

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Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do. – Bettina Arndt

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True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. – Erich Segal

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You add meaning to my life and yet, you subtract some cash from my wallet.

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You’re just like bacon, beer and chocolate – you make everything better.

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Loss for words? Give that person a hug. It’s worth a thousand and more. Plus, it’s free.

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You’re the cheese on top of my spaghetti, the cream on top of my frappuccino and the cheesecake on my red velvet cake.

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You are the cause why my eyeglasses fog.

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A person in love partly becomes a poet, a composer and the corniest person in the room.

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I want someone who will pause his game just to answer my call.

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You’ll know a person is in love when he can laugh like a fool by himself and keeps a goofy smile plastered on his face all day long.

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Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. – Carroll Bryant

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A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.

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I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? – Jean Illsley Clarke

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An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie

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True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. – Francois de la Rochefoucauld

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Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. – Helen Gurley Brown

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I had a dream that i still loved you. I think I woke up screaming. – Christine

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Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills. – Jessica Martin

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It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. – Lucille Ball

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I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu. But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you.

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A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. – Les Dawson

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People should fall in love with their eyes closed. – Andy Warhol

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If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back. – Chelsea Peretti

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Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. – Will Ferrell

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I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. – Russell Brand

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I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. – Rita Rudner

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Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing. – Natasha Leggero

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My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. – Garry Shandling

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Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. – Richard Jeni

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Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner. – Jerry Seinfeld

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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. – Chelsea Handler

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

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If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something. – Fran Lebowitz

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Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. – Richard Pryor

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There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Chris Rock

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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. – Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning. – Ray Romano

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I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early. – Jack Benny

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Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

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Women love a self-confident bald man. – Larry David

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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. – Steven Wright

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My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.

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If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards. – J.A. Redmerski

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Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford

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My last love is just like that thong peter griffin borrowed from me… Never getting it back. – Refinnej Sin

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You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale. – Hussein Nishah

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In any perfect relationship men should remember it’s a matter of direction; she takes what’s right and you take what’s left. – Solitaire Parke

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Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore. – Bree Luckey

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My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. – Rodney D

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Love is like finding a needle in a haystack. – FaithHopeNLove

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Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. – Jewish Proverbangerfield

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We’re like Romeo & Juliet.. Except for the dying part of course. – Justina

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The key to a successful relationship is to clear your internet history. – Quoteistan

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Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. – Judith Viorst

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Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – Cathy Carlyle

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They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

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The more she turned right the more I turned wrong. – Mark W. Boyer

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In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place. – Rowland

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In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. – Woody Allen

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Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.

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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. – Tim Allen

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The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want? – Freud

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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. – Bob Hope

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Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. – Pauline Thomason

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Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. – Oscar Wilde

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Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions. – Tommy Dewar

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Love is being stupid together. – Paul Valery

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I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. – David Bissonette

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Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford

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Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin

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I love you and it’s getting worse. – Joseph E. Morris

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Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. – Jules Renard

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. – Albert Einstein

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Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. – Lemony Snicket

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Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage. – Ambrose Bierce

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As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy. – Ralphie May

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The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. – Coleridge

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henry Youngman

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante

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I solemnly swear I am up to no good especially when I am all alone with you.

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You are the pain in my butt, the dent in my wallet and the scratches in my brand new car that I don’t mind.

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

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Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlist. – James Garner

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An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie

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I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since. – Arturo Toscanini

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Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. – Helen Gurley Brown

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The words “I love you” take two seconds to say, two hours to explain and a lifetime to prove. – Anonymous

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I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night. – Anonymous

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Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey

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You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. – Dr. Seuss

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This is as close as I can get to describing it – a hot pancake with butter melting on top and a steaming cup of coffee as soon as I open my eyes. That’s how wonderful it is to wake up knowing you are mine and I am yours.

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Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it. – Helen Rowland

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Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris

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Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry out the trash. – Joyce Brothers

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Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

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When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

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When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

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We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. -Dr. Seuss

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Once in a while something amazing comes long… and here I am. -Anonymous

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Do you know why a previous relationship is called Ex? It’s not the term for past. Ex is short for Expired. – Anonymous


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